It is common for many parents to feel uncomfortable to discuss conception and childbirth with their children. This conversation seems to be more difficult for them once it involves medical, social, legal and emotional complexities.
As per many experts in the field, it is very important for parents to share the surrogacy story of their children to them. We have discussed the importance of revealing the fact of your child being brought to this world by a surrogate mother to them in this article. The more you keep it spontaneous and natural, it becomes easier for your child to get the facts right.
There are a lot of physical and psychological ups and downs involved in becoming a parent through a surrogacy program. This is an important phase of your life that you should not hide from your child. We often come across parents would come to us to know about when and how to tell their child about their conception and delivery. It is very important for the parents to tell everything related to the child gestational birth to him. It gives them a chance to grow happily and become more confident about themselves.
It is always better for a parent to tell their child about her birth story as she turns four. This is when she is in a situation to understand her parents. She can understand what details her parents are revealing to her. There is always the risk of someone else telling her this story in an inappropriate manner. This will affect her ability to understand the real facts. She might not be able to stabilize herself and get hurt. Such children are mostly affected by an emotion of anger and betrayal. Children understand better when their parents talk to them about their surrogacy birth. As a matter of fact, parents know it best how to put the fact into words as per their child’s temperament.
Reason to Talk To Your Child about Surrogacy
The American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) Ethics Committee lays emphasis on the fact that parents should disclose their children’s conception story to them. Many other types of research related to the field also advocate not creating any secrecy about a child’s origin. It can have a severe negative impact on the child. The parents also cannot freely talk to them and always remains frightened of the fact that someone else can tell their child about the story. So there is absolutely no need to hide this beautiful story. Every child is special and so is yours. You have to trust your decision of choosing a surrogacy program to bring your child into this world. By choosing not to tell your child about its surrogacy origin, you are questioning your decision of going for the treatment. There was nothing wrong with your decision and do not prove that you are scared or ashamed of your decision.
Even the children have the right to know correctly about their births. It fills them with self-esteem and confidence. They feel more beautiful about themselves.
We have made a list of some reasons for you to talk with your child about her birth through surrogacy:
Telling Your Child’s Surrogacy Story
Most parents are confused by the fact that how to address this particular situation to their children. Even if they have recognized the need of telling their children about their surrogacy origin, we find it difficult to select a topic to begin the conversation. Some do not talk to their children about it as they do not find them grown up enough to understand the fact correctly. However, dealing with conversation for long can have negative consequences for your child. What if your child comes to know about her surrogacy origin from a third party? She might not be able to handle it and mentally break down. There is a certain way of telling this thing to her, which only you as a parent can do appropriately. You are the right person to charge your child temperament and ability to grasp a situation. So talk it out with them before it is too late. You can tell them as stories when they are young and later tell them about the originality of that story.
Preparing to Tell Your Child’s Story
Prepare yourself to tell this story to your child before she is born. As you are a part of the surrogacy procedure, you get a lot of information that you can jot down for her. You can make a Scrapbook for her that would have the entire procedure in pictures. The scrapbook will describe your child the procedure of her conception, gestation, and delivery. You can collect notes and testimonials from the surrogate mother, her family, the nurses and the doctors who have been through this journey with you. Include these all in the scrapbook for her so that she can see the progress with a clear visual. This will be her biggest gift to know about all the people who have contributed to bringing her to this beautiful world.
It is important for you as a parent to talk to your child about the surrogacy procedure and its value. It can be an on-going conversation between you two. You have to text fully given her all the information that she would require to justify the procedure. The more she will understand correctly about the surrogacy procedure, the more it will be helpful for her to relate respectfully to the procedure. You can also consider talking to a family therapist about it in case you are struggling with having this conversation with your child. You can also ask your friends or any of your close relatives to talk to your child about her surrogacy origin. However, it is best for the parents to talk to them as they know their children better than anyone else.
Your child will definitely feel more special than ever as she learns about her surrogacy origin. Knowing everything will fill her with new confidence and happiness.